Discipline

This is one with which I have some difficulty. I believe there are several forms of discipline, but each child tends to respond in different ways. My father and mother utilized some combination of a verbal confrontation, the belt, grounding, and removal of privileges. I do not recall what they did when we were much younger.

Currently, it is my job to instill a set of behaviors in my son. That he knows how to conduct himself in various situations. Normally, he is great. Nice, mild manners, full of laughter. But of late, he has been quite the "Dennis the Menace" character.

On Mother's Day, for instance, as the other mothers in my feed rant and rave about flowers, breakfasts in bed, sweet crafts, et al, here is my FB post:

"My son wanted to remind me of both the challenges and the rewards of motherhood today. 18 broken eggs created his very own slip n slide in the kitchen, and his bedroom was riddled with dogfood. All in the 10 minutes I was in the shower. All plans for the day were laid aside as we cleaned up the mess. He was on the receiving end of a "pow-pow" and picked up every piece of dogfood while I cleaned the eggs and mopped the floor. Then he took a shower, and we snuggled as we read books. Later he continued to push buttons as he dumped out his basket of books in the living room and all of his toys in his room. He saw my face and said a word I've not heard from him before: "Happy?" I had to think of where he might have heard me use it. It wasn't a snarky rebellious tone, but one of bright eyes and playfulness. He wanted to read and play, and so we did. And we picked up afterwards. I hope to always have the wherewithal to take pause and think of what his intentions are. I hope to be the mother he deserves."

And it is true. I want to be the best mother for him, but... Isn't there always a but? I guess we are all figuring it out as we go. I do not know how to discipline my son. I have tried time outs, pow pows (spankings), taking toys away, no TV/iPad. All of which I do with a conversation (one way right now) about how what he did was not alright and try to see any sign of understanding/comprehension in his sweet little eyes.

I've got nothing. If anything, he does those things more because he then gets my undivided attention. I work from home 3 days a week. I only work part time and most of that time is when he is napping. My adorable little man gets plenty of one on one quality time with his mama. Why, oh, why is he acting like he doesn't? That is what it sounds like, right? Acting out to get attention.

I just am at my wit's end on this thing. I know he is listening. Just like when he was little little he was understanding what I was saying (or hearing the words at least), because now he says some of those things and does things that I haven't done since about then. But when does it all show up?

When do these lessons that I am teaching my son show face? I am a doer. I like to implement a strategy, see its results and then adjust methods to increase the desired effect. How do you strategize with a 2 year old?

Discipline is derived from the Latin word discipulus, meaning one who learns. I am the teacher; my son, the disciple. We need to make sure that teaching is the end goal, not punishment. He needs to learn from his mistakes so not to repeat them, not to fear a correlated result of his behavior.

“Discipline — heart training — is best accomplished by parenting from the first principle. Values-based discipline urges children to treat other people the way they want to be treated. Neither child-centered nor authoritarian parenting styles emphasize personal responsibility, inner growth, self-control, and other virtues the way first principle parenting does. We have found that if parents shape their child’s heart and character, they will not have to concentrate as much on reshaping the child’s outward behavior,” (On Becoming Childwise, p. 115).

So, as I discipline my little, whether through a verbal correction or a timeout, I will attempt to keep heart training in mind. Explain why I am correcting him and emphasize the morals that are the foundation of the behavior change.